And there we are, one year has gone by. And this day has also passed. Just like everything I think I cannot survive, another day has passed and another dawn has risen. It has been exactly one year since I last held my beloved father’s hand.

As I sat there early hours of this morning staring at the screen, during my night shift, I looked at the time. It was close to the time my father took his last breaths. And as I sat there seeing patients, I just felt numb. A year, A whole 365 days without my father.

You may have seen me over the last year, working, living life and externally I looked whole. But the truth is, like most people you see, you never know what is beyond the surface. Beyond the smile you see on my face, lies the pain of a broken heart. I look around and everything around me that I know and recognise feels rootless. I can still look at the same sky, walk the same paths, but everything feels different. Muted, and almost without the same brightness.

My father was truly the light in my life and everything feels like it is in darkness now. I am truly grateful for those family and friends who saw all of me and were patient to not only sit with me in the darkness, but to bring a bit of light with them. You know who you are.

I hope everyone is having a great Christmas day with their loved ones.

With love always,

Amina xo