Happy 1st of October!

I am not sure what it is about a new month and the number one but the start of a new month always comes with a renewed intention and feels like a clean slate. September was a very odd month, full of surprises and definitely not one out of the norm. I am glad October is here. I have to say I do love Autumn and the fall. The colours, the hues, the seasons changing, bringing about those small comforts and cosy nights, fires, the chill in the morning air, the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin, as well as the taste of hot cocoa.

Everything feels different now. I do not think it will ever feel the same. Or that I will be the same. Grief is one of those things that follows you wherever you are, like a dark shadow. Every now and then, it will make you smile and laugh; give you strength but it will also take everything and every part of you and your world as you know it.

It is quite hard to put down the emotions I have felt since the biggest loss of my life. Some say I am doing well, but I look in the mirror and at times I just feel numb. I do not think I can ever get back to the version of myself that I was, but I hope I can bring the positives into the new version of me that I am still discovering.

‘Autumn embraces change, even as she is falling to pieces.’

With love,

Amina x